Hurt
by AdamPascalFan
Summary: After the hostage crisis, Liz pauses long enough to realize some truths. SpumorSpeculation based.


**Hurt**

_We had a life_

_We had a love_

_But something happened on the way to heaven_

_They say you don't know what you've got till it's gone_

_And I want you back_

_How many times can I say I'm sorry?_

Elizabeth stole upstairs to her room and shut the door as quietly as possible. She did not want to alert the very large crowd of family and friends downstairs to her whereabouts. Cameron was being entertained by Lulu and Cruz. He wouldn't need her any time soon.

All she wanted was just ten minutes alone to process everything that had happened to her in the past week. She hadn't been alone since the second the gunmen had stormed the MetroCourt. Elizabeth rubbed her hand across her forehead and sank into the rocking chair Grams had convinced Nik to move into her room in preparation for the baby.

As she rocked she absent-mindedly rubbed her stomach and smiled when she felt a solid kick. Tears began to prick her eyes as she remembered those first moments in the hospital after the explosion.

_Elizabeth awoke slowly, noticing the familiar sounds of the monitors. As a wave of pain rolled over her, she moaned softly. A soft rustling came from the other side of the bed._

"_Darling girl. Don't move. Let me call the doctor." Her grandmother's soothing voice brooked no room for arguments. Audrey deftly went to the door and flagged down the nearest nurse she could find. When she returned to Elizabeth's side, she held her granddaughter's hand softly. "Oh my dear girl. You gave us quite a scare."_

"_What..what happened? I remember the hotel…"_

"_The bomb went off. Jason and Lulu were able to get you out before the explosion. The ambulance brought you and Lulu here. Jason stayed to find Sam McCall."_

_Elizabeth nodded. She could have guessed that much._

"_Lulu is fine. Minor injuries. They kept her for observation but she's not following doctor's orders to well."_

"_Like any true Spencer." Elizabeth joked quietly. Luke and Lucky were not what anyone would call model patients. "Where's Cameron?"_

"_He's fine. Lucas is watching him at the house."_

_Just then Kelly Lee appeared. "Elizabeth I thought I told you no more accidents." She teased._

"_Can't be a pregnancy without a little excitement, isn't that what you always say Kelly?"_

_Kelly cocked an eyebrow and leaned her head in Audrey's direction. "Haven't we had enough for one pregnancy?"_

_Elizabeth forced a smile on her face. Any response may cause too many questions that she did not want to answer right now. She noticed Kelly shoot her a look that clearly indicated she wanted to talk to Elizabeth alone. _

"_Grams, could you check on Lulu and Emily for me please? And Nik and Robin?"_

"_Of course. I'll leave you two to talk in private."_

_Seeing Audrey leave, Kelly walked behind her and shut the door. "Elizabeth, first I wanted to say the baby is fine. The baby has inherited some very hearty genes."_

_Elizabeth allowed a small smile at that. "But that's not the reason you had me chase my grandmother out of here Kelly."_

_Kelly perched on the edge of the bed. "I noticed something in your chart. Elizabeth, I know I told you I didn't look at the paternity results and I didn't. Elizabeth I think whoever it is you think is the father is incorrect."_

"_What?"_

_Kelly opened the file and pulled out the sheet of paper. "When you came in, we did a routine amniocentesis to make sure the baby was fine. And like I said the baby is perfectly fine. But while we were running lab tests I noticed some similarities to someone else's blood. Some similarities that indicate these two people are related."_

_Kelly fixed a hard look in Elizabeth's direction. "Yes or no Liz. Did the test you read name Jason the father?"_

_Elizabeth bit her lip and nodded. She had thought it would feel better to tell at least one person this secret. She had been wrong. It felt worse. Saying it made it real._

_Kelly squeezed her hand. "Then that test was wrong. Because I noticed similarities between the baby's tests and Lulu's." _

_Elizabeth's eyes flew open. Lulu's tests? Then Lucky was the father. She raised a shaky hand to her mouth. "Oh my God." She smiled. _

_Before she could really react to the news, the door to her room flew open, revealing a nearing hysterical Lulu. "Lizziebeth" she sobbed out, reverting to the nickname she had given her when they had first met._

"_Lulu?" _

_The younger woman had flown onto Elizabeth's bed, burying herself in Elizabeth's arms. "It's not true Lizziebeth. Tell me it's not true."_

"_What's not true sweetie? What?" She looked up to see Audrey standing in the doorway with tears in her eyes. "Grams? What's going on?"_

"_Darling. When the hotel exploded, there were several people inside the building still." Audrey moved slowly into the room. Elizabeth felt her stomach begin to drop. "Elizabeth, Lucky was inside when the bomb went off."_

"_No."_

"_Several people saw him and several other officers go in. Most of them have checked in. Lucky hasn't."_

"_Then he's hurt Grams. He's hurt." Her voice broke._

"_Rescue crews are searching but they haven't found him. His partner was found and he said Lucky was right next to him when the blast went off."_

"_Then they need to look harder. He's there Grams. He's there."_

_Audrey pulled both the young women close to her. "No my dear. He's not"_

_She stood in Lucky's room at Kelly's two days later. There was still no word from Lucky and no sign of him. The rescue crews had only found a ring box near to where they had found Cruz._

_Elizabeth sank on the bed and clutched the box Mac had just given her. She opened the box with tears filling her eyes. The ring he had presented her with just days before shone as brightly as it had the night he had asked her to marry him all over again._

_She began to rock back and forth as sobs racked her body. He couldn't be gone. Not now. How was she going to explain this to Cameron? What about this new life they had created? How was she going to explain this to him or her? _

_Elizabeth grabbed at anything to muffle her sobs. She didn't want Mike or anyone to come in. Especially not Maxie. Her hands flailed around and finally grasped a pillow firmly. She pulled it to her face and inhaled it. Lucky's scent, his distinct smell still lingered there. _

_Tears came harder now. Through her blurry eyes, she could see pictures of herself and Lucky, her and Cameron and the three of them all around her. Clearly he had not given up on them. Clearly he still had hope for them. _

_Memories pricked at her. This was where he had asked her to move in with him the first time. She smiled as she realized it was where he had asked her the second time as well. They had met her, had countless conversations here, cried here; laughed here, fell in love here._

_And now she had to say goodbye to him here._

_The last things she had said to him where motivated by anger and hurt. She had told him she couldn't trust him. He had died trying to reach her and she hadn't given him any reason to even want to do that. Judging by the pictures that lined his room he hadn't held any of her words against her like she had him. _

_He had always told her he would die for her. And she didn't deserve it._

"_I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She whispered over and over again. "I'm so sorry baby."_

_She sat at the front of the chapel with Cameron on her lap. Across the way Nikolas and an exhausted Emily sat next to Bobbie and Lucas. Yesterday Emily had buried her father, now she had come to burry her oldest friend._

_Luke and Lulu sat on either side of her. As she kept one hand on Cameron, the other was held in Luke's grasp. Lulu laid her head on Elizabeth's shoulder. Neither one had strayed too far from her in the intervening days. Even when she went to Kelly's, Luke had been just downstairs. It was a natural reaction, the clinging to each other. Lulu had even fallen asleep on Elizabeth's floor the other day. _

_She had never been more relieved the baby was in fact Lucky's child than she was right now. The baby and Cameron had been everyone's saving grace. They were proof Lucky was still with them. She had not realized just how many of Lucky's mannerism Cameron had picked up until the past few days. Luke had even wanted to feel the baby kick the other day. _

_Most of the police force had come to pay their respects. Even Mac. Cruz had wheeled himself over from the hospital. When he had come towards her before the service he had smiled. _

"_Someone had to keep up his tradition of injured cop at the cop funeral."_

_The preacher paused and Lulu stood up to deliver a tribute to her brother. Elizabeth sat Cameron down in the spot his aunt just vacated. He didn't really understand what all was going on. He had recognized the picture of Lucky that was placed on the alter so he did know this was about his daddy. But other than that, he still expected Lucky to come walking through the door._

_If Elizabeth was honest with herself, she expected it as well. _

_She closed her eyes as she realized all the time she had wasted being angry with him. They had always had time to work through their issues after the anger had passed. She had pushed him away for reasons that now were ridiculous to her. She thought she loved Jason? She loved Jason as a friend but nothing more. She had known that for years._

_She had turned to Jason because there was no way he could hurt like Lucky had. Jason would never fully commit to her, baby or not, as long as Sam was around. Jason would never love her like Lucky did. _

_Jason had been a safety net when loving Lucky terrified her._

_Because she did love him. She hadn't ever stopped. But she while she had told other people that, she hadn't bothered to tell him that. _

_And now he was gone and she wouldn't get a chance to tell him again._

_Lulu stood in front of the assembled mass of loved ones and was unable to start. Nik and Lucas went to her side and Nik took her in his arms. Lucas rubbed her back and whispered something to her that caused her to shake her head._

_Cameron had stood up and was turned around, looking at all the people. He would wave at the ones he knew and smile. Elizabeth didn't have the heart to tell him to stop. _

_Suddenly, Cameron moved out of her arm reach and maneuvered himself off the pew. Before she could grab him, he started to run towards the back of the church. She stood as quickly as she could, being seven months pregnant but then she heard what Cameron was saying._

"_Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!"_

_Her breath caught in her throat as his form caught her eyes. He was dirty, his clothes were torn and he looked exhausted. But as he dropped to his knees and scooped their son up in his arms, he had never looked more beautiful to her._

_She heard him speak. His glorious voice reached her ears as he held Cameron to his chest. "Hey buddy. I've missed you."_

_Lucky was alive._

_She wanted to run to him, but her feet were rooted to the ground. Lulu gasped and immediately broke out in a run for the back of the church, nearly tackling both Lucky and Cameron to the ground in her excitement. Elizabeth turned and saw Luke and Nik fighting back tears of joy. Emily and Bobbie were hugging each other. Lucas wore a grin that no one had seen on him in awhile._

_Lucky managed to squeeze Lulu tightly and then gently broke free from her grasp. Their eyes locked and he made his way towards her. Tears flowed freely and she made a move to wipe them away as he got closer. Elizabeth drew in a shaky breath and managed a smile at him._

_He returned the smile and when he got close enough, he put a hand out to push an errant hair off her face. "Hi" he whispered._

"_Hi." She whispered back laughing. And then she hugged him to her, sobbing into his shoulders._

The explanation had been repeated several times by now. Lucky had been thrown clear from the blast and had wandered away in a daze. His badge fell off after a few feet and most likely had been buried under debris. When he collapsed, he had been placed in an ambulance manned by the crew from County Hospital. Without id and no one recognizing him, they had admitted him as an unconscious John Doe. It had taken some time for him to fully recover from his injuries and once he did, he had made his way towards General Hospital to find his family.

After scaring Epiphany half to death, she told him about the memorial service and he had run off to tell them he was alive.

She felt the tears continue to stream down. She had come to damn close to loosing him for good this time. She hadn't fathomed a life without Lucky in years. Even when he was in the coma, she believed that he would make it back to her. He always did. But this past week, thinking their time really was done, had been agonizing. She had been able to talk a good talk about raising these kids on her own, but when it came down to it, she had been terrified to do it without him. Because way down deep, she hadn't really planned on doing it alone.

The door opened quietly. Elizabeth didn't bother to turn around and look as it shut just as quietly. She heard the footsteps pad towards her and she reached her hands up to grasp his when he placed them on her shoulder.

Lucky dropped a kiss on the top of her head. "Can I hide up here with you?"

"Always."

He sat down on the bed next to her. "Cam's having the time of his life downstairs. I think Cruz is teaching him curse words in Spanish." He took her hand in his, slowly, almost as if he were afraid of her reaction, which she couldn't blame him for. "How are you and the baby?"

She squeezed his hand. "We're fine. How are you holding up?"

He grinned at her. "Once they stop doing double takes when they see me I think it will be ok."

"This is Port Charles. Eventually someone else will come into their own funeral and this will be surpassed."

He nodded at the truth in her statement. "Look I just want you to know I don't expect this whole thing to change anything ok? I know you need time and I'm not going to push you. I just wanted you to know that."

She smiled. "But it did changed things Lucky. It did." Elizabeth looked over at him. "I was terrified we weren't going to have that time."

"Baby." He moved to wipe the tears off her face. "We do have it ok? We do and nothing is going to take that away from us ok? Nothing ever has."

Elizabeth managed a shaky nod. She could vaguely recall telling Emily several months ago that they would get through this and come out stronger because that was what they always did. She had forgotten that part.

Lucky shot her a smile. "Right now I think you need some rest. I'm willing to bet you haven't slept since this whole thing started." He rose from his place on her bed and held out his hand to her. "Come on. Lay down. I'll keep everyone away." His grinned widen. "Of course if they realized we're both gone, the entire house may have cleared out."

Elizabeth let him help her to her feet and returned his smile. "If Lulu noticed they did. She's not exactly subtle."

He chuckled. "Its when she's being subtle you should worry about her." Seeing her get settled on the bed, Lucky turned to leave. "I'll keep Cameron busy. You come down when you're ready."

"Lucky" she called out to stop him. When he turned and met her eyes, she motioned towards the chair she just vacated. "Stay? Just till I fall asleep?"

"I told you before. You can't afford me as a babysitter." But he sat down in the chair anyways.

Elizabeth smiled at his old joke. She knew she had to tell him the whole truth about the night of the blackout. It was the only way for them to even begin to try again, if that was what they both wanted. She knew it was Lucky wanted, and she was beginning to realize she wanted it as well.

But all that could wait for tomorrow. Tomorrow was soon enough.

Because now she had time.

**lyrics from _Something Happen on the Way to Heaven,_ Phil Collins**


End file.
